Cheetos and Coke to Cope

Today is a new day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the kids are fighting... all is good in the world, right?

wrong

But we can pretend.

Let's pretend that things aren't going to hell in a handbasket here. Let's pretend my husband isn't grumpy because he leaves soon. Let's pretend my son isn't sick and feverish and I am not in my Pjs sitting on the couch eating cheetos and drinking coca cola. Let's pretend that I don't get some kind of sick preverse enjoyment watching the dinosaur fight reenactments on tv. When I said that we don't have any more make believe in our lives as grown ups, I LIED! I'm doing a good job today of make believing. But let's pretend I'm not.
Really, I'm not as depressed as I think I was yesterday. Maybe I am, but I choose to ignore it. I talked to B and found out that life is pretty shitty for a lot of people as of late. I look at pictures of T and think "How could such a lovely looking person have such ugliness on the inside?" I don't get it but I guess you could wrap a turd and make it look nice. Put some potpourri on the box and those who receive it will think "oh how nice" until as it gets older and older, the potpourri wears off and the stink permeates outside of the box. Eventually it gets unbearable enough that you just want to throw it away. I think I've reached that point. Even if it gets rewrapped with even better potpourri and an even more insulated box, I still know it's just a pretty box of wrapped shit and I don't want to hang onto it anymore. (let's pretend I'm still talking about a box here too, ok?)

The loss of my friend Jean is sinking in every day and I wonder how trivial it is that I am stressed by this crap, when she would probably give anything to be back with her kids and have trivial things to stress about. I want to live each day and enjoy it, not taking it for granted, because she can't. She was denied that opportunity by her sick and twisted husband.

I don't know how this will all eventually pan out but I hope all is not lost. I hope I don't lose all of my friends because I wasn't smart enough to catch onto what was happening until I was swept away with it. I feel like a frog who was in a pot of warm water not realizing the heat was rising until my butt began to cook.

Me and my metaphors. Bill hates them and says : "I wish you would just say it plainly"

lol, but I don't know how. Oh yeah? How bout.. "Dang I messed up pretty badly with this" My excuse is that I'm not used to making friends, but I should've known better. Oh well, I think I learned something from this.. I hope so. I am not pretending that either.. I really hope that I don't end up in this situation again. From now on, I'll be smelling boxes a little more closely and trying to see beyond the wrapping from the get go.

Bill is taking off for his "all expense paid trip to the sandy middle east" and I will be here with just me, the kids, and glen our cat. I plan on taking the kids to see Cirque Del Soliel next month if I can get tickets. I think it'd be cool to take them to see another pantomime. The one in Bury is fabulous! I love the UK.. aside from the nutters.. it is a nice place. There is so much to see and do.
I will get back to the "Greene's comings and goings" once I get out of rut. I'm working on it though. It may be just a make believe tale in the works, but I'm still trying to turn the pages, which has to count for something.. right?