Hard Lessons in Life

Things have not been so great for me lately. I went to bed last night shocked and in tears and woke up to an extra dose of it. I think I have been naive and too trusting.. as usual. There aren't many people like me in the world. People who have faith in human kind and who try not to see the ugly in anyone but only the best. Once again it has bit me in the rear and I find myself struggling to understand what has happened to humanity. So instead of being so abstract I will give you the facts.

Fact: when I came to Lakenheath, I had already networked and made some friends over the web.

Fact: upon arrival, I met one of these people, let's just call her "B". Her children seemed quite nice and B introduced us to her friends and for the first time in a long time, I was visiting people's houses and making an attempt to have a social life.

Fact: B introduced us to someone, let's call "T" and T seemed overwhelmingly outgoing and fun. She seemed odd because she spoke of witch craft, the paranormal and sex like she was discussing her favorite movies, candy and songs. Without a blink of the eye, T could say things to shock the heck out of anyone.

Fact: Soon after getting to know B and T, we began to hang out in large groups with other friends.. D, C, and TH. T began to dislike B and began to pull away from the group.

Fact: Myself, my husband, T and her husband and daughter all were coming to know each other better because we are into the paranormal as well and we generally liked their family.

Fact: T begins to dislike B intensely and begins to dwell on it to the point where any time we were around T, she would talk about B to the point of calling her names and then would start putting pressure on me not to see B anymore or else I was being a "phoney"

Fact: T had given me an ultimatum.. choose B or T. When I said I wasn't going to choose, T flipped her switch on me and has begun to email me with the same type of animosity she has been harboring for B.

Fact: T thinks she is a witch and psychic and that she knows B and TH are doing bad things together because she has "seen it with her 6th sense and had a dream about it

Fact: I am now not speaking to anyone because it has all gotten too strange for me.


So there are the facts. As ludicrious as it sounds, there it is. I wanted to be friends with B, T, Th, D, and C but the negativity of T has put a sour spin on all of it. I liked her husband and her daughter immensely but I now see T as a liability and a loose cannon. It's a shame really, but I have learned my lesson.

My thoughts on humanity these days are pretty warped and I realize that if I need to trust someone, it better just be myself because trusting other people is a gamble in which I will most likely lose. Warped? Yes. Wrong? No.

To top off this drama, I found out last night that one of my old friends from the Italy era had something bad happen to her. I became this woman's friend from a game site.. www.pogo.com. We played a game called word riot every single day for months on end. We talked on voice chat along with other players and eventually became really close. I helped her set up her myspace account. I looked at her pictures of her daughter's prom. I saw her kids' school photos. We became such good friends that Bill and I were going to try to get stationed near her. Sadly, I stopped talking to her because I felt that she was in the wrong for talking to so many of the men in the chatroom even though her husband asked her not to. I was frustrated with her because she would flirt online with these men, and I had grown to care for her and her family.

It turns out that a year after we stopped talking, she asked her husband for a divorce and his response was to strangle her and then tie her body up and put cinder blocks on it and throw her in a river.

I don't for a second think I could have saved her from that, but maybe if I had been a better friend, she would have had someone to talk to when her husband began to get more and more angry with her. Maybe I could have been able to help her get away from her husband. Maybe we could have got orders there if we had persued it and I could have been a better pillar of friendship to her and maybe there could have been something I could have said and done to help her.

But then again, with my track record.. most likely not. But I can't help but wonder.

Similarly to what is my current drama.. B and T... I think it wrong to not be friends with someone because they do things you don't approve of in their personal lives. Who are we to judge? B has never done anything cruel to me and most of what T has against B stems from her "Psychic" abilities. Everything she claims to have "seen" no one else has seen. She claims to want to be my friend but the moment I say "can we please stop talking about B and just be friends without having to talk about that every 5 seconds?" she flips out on me. I feel like she tried to make me her puppet and when I wouldn't let her, she has now turned on me. At the very least, T is very unstable.

I have lost friends because of falling outs. I have lost friends to them moving away. I have lost friends because people have chosen to take them off this earth too soon. And I have lost friends because I was too judgemental. I am afraid to make friends with anyone now because I always wonder what secret craziness they are hiding under the surface that is going to come out and "bite me in the rear" eventually.

I think I'm jaded on humanity.

Fact:I won't be going out of my way to open up to anyone again. This blog is sufficient for me.